Friday, December 19, 2008

A song to describe my 2008

I spent the last few days wondering if there was one song that could best describe my year. This was my year of stress, heartbreak, heartache, let-downs, mistakes, confusion, and undeniably great fun! How could I put all of my feelings into one song? My mind has been spinning all week.

But then I realized what really was the biggest thing about my year. It wasn't me moving back to Washington, me breaking up with someone, or even putting all my dreams and goals on hold. The biggest factor this year was my mom. My family all knew that we would go into this year facing immense trials. But after all the ups and downs, after all the tears and uncertainty, I approach the coming of the new year realizing what this year really meant to me: my family.

I'm not sure if I've been the greatest son to my parents or the best sibling to my brother, but if it's one thing that's for sure, family is all I really had this year. We shared tears and laughter, we fought and we held each other up, all for the sake of our family. As cliche as it is to say, something tragic had to make me realize just how much I love my family. My mom's cancer was an emotional rollercoaster, from the first time she came home with the bad news to the time she got the news that she beat it. But she did it. She beat it and that makes her my hero. My dad was there through every heart-wrenching moment and that makes him my hero. My brother was always there to keep everything going and in order, and that makes him my hero. 2008 was the year that the Palacios family beat cancer.

And so as we celebrated my mom's birthday today, I almost felt like I was cheating my mom. I was definitely around and I celebrated it with her, but my mind was a million miles away. I've been busy thinking about my bills and my job and my school and my future, I kinda forgot to live in the moment. My mom survived her battles and won the war against a formidable enemy that has claimed the lives of many good people in the past. It's like, why should I even be worried now? My mom is still alive and I'm not singing about the "coldest winter," so why should I even feel so upset about everything else that isn't going right in my life? I guess what I'm beginning to realize is that the problems and the stress will always be there no matter what. But I had the chance to celebrate my mom's birthday with her and that was a great feeling.

It was a year ago, two days after my mom's birthday, when she came home with the news that she had cancer. I remember that because that was the moment my life began to look dreary. I spent the last year aimlessly wandering around, not knowing what to do, and the truth is that I haven't really found any answers. I haven't figured out who would be the "one" for me or what I'm going to do about school. But the last year really wasn't about me figuring this stuff out. This year was for me to realize that my mom matters more than anyone else in the world.

I'm currently not looking to the future. I'm not really thinking about what's to come and what I'm going to do about the next few years. I'm sitting here, secluded in my own little world, basking in the joy to know that my mom is only three rooms away from me. That's... really all that I'm happy about at the moment.

So here I sit, listening to the song that I will label as "the song to describe my 2008." It is called "When your mind's made up" by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova. I dedicate it to my family. I dedicate it to my mom's strength and resiliance. I dedicated it to my dad's faith and endurance. I dedicate it to my brother's hope and optimism. I dedicate it to everyone who knows that family comes first. I dedicate it to the fact that this year wasn't about what Ramon wanted or wished for - this was what Ramon can't live without.

This song describes what I feel towards my family. It's a simple statement but a meaningful manifesto. So before I decide to make promises to someone that I want to fall in love with, these are the most important people in my life, and I thank God that they stuck around. I really suggest that you don't just take my word for it that this is a meaningful song but give it a listen all the way through. There's a very powerful harmony towards the end, and I dedicate that portion to the love that my parents dedicate to each other. Enjoy =)






When Your Minds Made Up - Glen Hansard

So
If you ever want something

And your call comes

Then I'll come running

To fight,

And I'll be at your door

When there's nothing

Worth running for


When your mind's made up

When your mind's made up

There's no point trying to change it

When your mind's made up

When your mind's made up

There's no point trying to stop it


You see

You're just like everyone

When the shit falls

All you want to do is run

Away,

And hide all by yourself

When it's far from

There's nothing else


When your mind's made up

When your mind's made up

There's no point trying to change it

When your mind's made up

When your mind's made up

There's no point even talking

When your mind's made up

When your mind's made up

There's no point trying to fight it

When your mind's...

your mind

There's no point trying to change it


So

If you ever want something

When your call comes

Then I'll come running

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