I decided not to write some reflective post about my 2009 year. Instead I've decided to finally succumb to a few requests to post my poem that I performed in the PNW 2009 Formal. But in typical Ramon fashion, I couldn't just... post it and get it over with. No, I have to complicate things. So I've decided to have some kinda commentary to "My Kinda Girl." As the year ends, I will end it by dissecting my poem about a girl.
I'm not too proud about my performance. I was visibly nervous and forgot my lines. I didn't really practice my delivery, and I wish that I really went in on a few lines. With that said, I'm very happy with the poem itself. Not so happy that I finally wrote a poem that I felt happy enough about to share with people, but because I got to share with a room of about 250 people my love and admiration for my mom, for whom the poem is inspired by and dedicated to. I'm a mama's boy and I'm far from perfect but on an emotional level, this was a man's way of saying "I love you mom." For us guys it is sometimes hard to say "I love you" so openly without having to "beef" it up somehow. I got to say I love you in a way that only few people ever could: I got all the guys wishing they could find that kinda girl, and I got all the girls to wish that they were THAT kinda girl... and who ended up being "that kinda girl?" Well my mom of course!
On another note, as you'll see in my commentary, I am happy with this poem because it was very personal to me... as funny as the poem seemed, it was very personal. This was the product of a year of self-realization and way too many mistakes to ever put down on paper. This poem was a product of my experiences within the last few years in my quest to find THAT kinda girl. And from all of these hypothesizing and analyzing, I've realized that I really don't deserve THAT kinda girl. I never really could, unless I could somehow take back all my mistakes. But throughout this past year, I was able to take a good look at myself and realize that I have A LOT to work on. Just like when it comes to my poetry!
When our district prez told me to hurry up and submit the poem, I kept holding it off. I was done with the poem, but I hadn't really touched it in a few months. I had to change the poem somehow, to fit my experience. I'm glad she let me change what I needed to change, because I felt like I was happy with the end product. So here I go, the anatomy of my one decent poem!
My Kinda Girl
She asked me about my kind of girl,
the kinda girl that would send my mind in a twirl,
someone help me find this girl,
and if she's heaven-sent I'd ask God why in the world
would He leave an angel behind in a world
that's so sinister?!
then maybe God would direct me to a minister
who would direct me to a couple of verses
written from scripture,
And I'd discover that this kind of girl is a mixture,
of patience, hope and tolerance,
girl holler at a mister!
[I started writing this on September 2, 2008. I know this date because I started this poem off as some lame/gag birthday present to my friend Lot Lot. We were talking online on the night before her birthday and I told her I was going to write her a poem. I said I'd be done when her birthday struck at midnight, and I started at 11:15pm!!! The above lines were all I could come up with. We had a laugh about it but something kinda sparked in me. I put it off for a day or two but I decided to continue on with the thought, thinking about the 'perfect' girl. I really do think Lot Lot asked me about "my kinda girl" haha.]
Please excuse my burst of child-like excitement,
but i'm easy to excite when
my mind becomes enlightened,
senses are heightened when she stands right beside me,
as if she's more than just a person,
an experience worth describing,
she's like a simile - she's a metaphor in the making,
what she's like and what she is
never quite justified in statements,
she's like a spaceship high above the atmosphere,
Unbelievably Fly Object,
one blink and she's outta here,
she's the perfectly synced playlist,
with what she whispers in my ear
i can close my eyes and fade out the world's fakeness,
her fashion maybe makeshift,
clocks in daily for her dayshift,
education gives her opinionated conversation,
i could care less if she's democrat or republican,
liberal or conservative
but she's concerned with the government,
and gives thought to all the issues concerning her society,
But above all that
she strives to improve on her piety,
And I could never judge that,
Cuz if she'd judge back,
We’d bump heads for days our prides' so high - it's hard to budge that.
[This is what I started to write about as the poem came along. I'm basically describing some attributes I'd like. I just wanted to keep some kinda hip hop vibe with it because my roots are based on hip hop. And in hip hop you want to try to NOT be so corny yet keep it 'one-hunnid (heartfelt)'. The political line was inspired by this question I asked my friend James one time. I asked him if he would switch sides politically if a hot girl told him to... I won't say what he said but hilarity ensued haha. The "I could care less" phrase was actually meant for the line before and the line after. It was kinda me being a jerk, like "her opinions? I could care less" hahahaha sorry, I do care now!]
But I could dig that,
Just like a shovel digging dirt,
Covering the hurt of worst firsts and cursed works,
My kinda girl's mind unfurls,
when she learns
how to break down my defenses that I built up because of "her."
You know - "her", that one rotten apple
That men are foolish enough to bite into
and it leaves our heads rattled,
My kinda girl fixes where other girls messed up,
Cuz if love was a TV show,
then she'd be the "best of,"
[The last line, the "best of" line, was one of my favorite metaphors that I ever though of haha. I had to use that somehow. I juggled with saying "if love was a sitcom" or "if love was SNL" but decided to stick with 'TV Show.' This section actually means a lot because it seemed to foreshadow what would happen to my life within the next few months. I "bit" into a rotten apple and it really did jack me up - poisoned if you will. I heard that guys only really get their hearts broken once and never get that hurt ever again. I felt like within the past year, it happened to me. I wrote that section in like September and actually went through it in like January. Art imitating life much?! But I mean in the relationship I'm in now, it seems like that's how it played out. My girlfriend, Joy, seemed to just outshine all the crap I went through. And without going into specific details, she really did "fix where other girls messed up." =) ]
She brings order
When my thoughts become unruly,
Don’t get me started on her beauty!
But my kinda girl gives beauty a whole new level of aesthetic,
She can out-mack
And if Beauty was music
Then she should be used to it,
She’s soulful R&B while other girls auto-tune it,
[This is actually the last addition to the poem. I was listening to The Dream's "Rockin' that Ish" remix and felt like, man if I ever hopped on that remix I would totally talk about auto-tune. Haha. I knew everyone would understand what I meant. My Kinda Girl would be real. The 'aesthetic' line was inspired by this thing that my friend Redgie told me. He told me that beauty can somehow be measured by the symmetrical aspects of your face. As if the way your head was shaped might make the difference. As if the Feng Shui of your face helped in your beauty. So the aesthetic aspect of my kinda girl's face would be totally Feng-Shui-licious! ]
She can keep it real simple
But she never looks sleazy,
Simply put: she makes it look easy,
My kinda girl's like a pearl,
found in a shell in the ocean
clamped down to protect herself from the "squirrels,"
You know what squirrels want,
All the players in the game,
My kinda girl has pulled plugs and left quite a few in shame,
I'll admit that my kinda girl is the type, see
she puts me in check
like a fresh pair of Nikes... get it?
[I added the 'squirrels' line because I wanted to get away with what I was referring to. I actually wanted to literally take hold of "what squirrels want" during my performance but decided against it. haha. The 'Nike' line... oh man that was the biggest fail of the poem. I TOTALLY thought that was going to work. When I wrote that line I totally patted myself on the back, but then the line totally didn't work!!! I guess when it came down to the performance, I didn't get it hahaha. When I originally wrote this poem, this part would have been the only part where I alluded to like my own flaws. Like I knew that my girl would have to put my player ways in check, but that's all I wanted to say about it at first haha]
My kinda girl knows
My kinda type,
She’s the monotype corsiva to my comic sans kinda hype,
And yes those are fonts,
More of my metaphors and similes,
Since our destinies are pre-written God wrote her name in calligraphy, (try it out on Word)
She personifies elegance,
So relevant that she’s written in reverence,
How can I not be a gentleman?
[I wasn't sure if the 'font' line was going to work. It got mixed reviews haha. Some people got it but some people didn't. The original lines that followed my Nike line really didn't make sense. It went off like my girl is really clever and she keeps me on my toes. But then the words I used just didn't have the flow I wanted. I was trying to find my inner Eminem with the wordplay but instead it came off sounding forced. I ended up not even using the last few lines in the actual performance because I was like thinking to myself "man I've been up here for a long time I gotta get to the point." Totally left on the cutting room floor.]
But my kinda girl sees me
As A walking contradiction,
She won’t believe me when I say I’m a “man on a mission”
She’ll see me for what I am,
Just a boy bouncing around,
She’ll say to impress her my feet really have to touch the ground,
My kinda girl would laugh when she sees me trying to aim too high,
She’ll tell me “in order for us to work
Just see me eye to eye,”
My kinda girl will know the many mistakes
And missteps that I’ve mismanaged,
So I guess she really deserves more than moderately above average,
In order to make the grade,
All these mistakes that I’ve made,
It’ll take more than a few unused heart vacancies that I’ve saved,
My kinda girl is the interior decorator
To my cluttered warehouse of a heart,
I guess I have a lot of cleaning up to do before we’d even start,
[This whole section is dedicated to my girlfriend, Joy. This is the part I needed to add before I submitted the poem. Without going into too much detail, this is like what I had to deal with when we started talking. Like she began to figure out, early on, that I wasn't really that great of a guy. But then she was like forcing me to find it in myself. That good guy that she was hoping was there. I'm like, I am that good guy I say I am, I just kinda lost myself in the last few years. I read somewhere that "the first time is a mistake, the second time is a trend, and the third time is a habit." I think I got that from my childhood crush Diana. It became like my goal to make sure that my mistakes were a one-time thing, and Joy wanted to be sure of that as well. So in the early stages of our relationship, it was like my heart was "under new management" and so I really had to re-think and re-do a lot of things that got me in trouble. During my performance, Joy was all I thought about. That's why I kinda slowed down and sorta serious'd it up a bit. She let me know that she wasn't going to be some princess from a fairy tale, but a real woman who needs to just be loved in real-time. There was like no fantasy in it, just real talk. How hip hop is that!!! No wonder why we work.]
But my kinda girl is worth every investment,
She’s not one to complicate my life
But she complements it,
If change is what it takes
For this transaction to last,
Then a penny for my thoughts I hope this change is exact,
My vision often blurred,
So when Heaven sends the perfect contact solution,
When I can finally picture love my kinda girl is at the highest resolution,
[The 'complicate-complement' line was something I actually told someone. It struck me when it came out of my mouth because some little voice in my head told me like "man you better be serious." Guys, that's a pretty smooth line to say, and you're welcome haha. This was part of my last-minute additions because the original climax was like more of the direction of "man my girl is so cool! More metaphors please!" But I decided to go in the direction of my kinda girl being that girl who changes my life for the better. I realized that I've kinda gone down the wrong path and in order for me to really find that GOOD kinda love, I needed to change a lot about myself. And that last line... the whole 'change' reference... come on that line was the most 'super-lyrically hip hop' I've been in a good long while! Haha I found my inner Eminem/Inspectah Deck via "The Triumph" on that one! The 'vision' line came off better in my performance than what I wrote down. I had to put myself in the poem in terms of me liking photography yet having bad vision. It played off each other in an ironic sense. My vision is blurry but my kinda girl being at the highest resolution. I channeled my inner National Geographic Photo on that one!!!]
so that was my answer that I completed with a sigh,
the lady saw the twinkle in my eye,
followed it up with this reply:
"you're quite the ambitious type,
you give that kinda girl a lot of hype,
what if she's nothing as you expected to like?"
so i replied: "i'm just getting my truth on,
i know i'd love this kinda girl,
cuz she'd be a lot like you mom."
[Because of time, I didn't really stick to this last part in my performance. I just had to bring it back to the beginning about some lady asking me about the girl. This ending never changed. When I completed the first draft of the poem in like October 2008, I knew it was going to end with me showing love to my mom. I don't think I really actually talked to my mom about the kinda girl I liked, but this last part was inspired by something she told me when I was like 16. She told me not to go for a girl just because she's pretty or whatever. I had to be with a girl who really makes me happy. And that advice really did turn out to be very beneficial because I've come to realize there are a lot of "pretty faces with ugly hearts" out there, and I KNOW THAT NOW. That advice stuck with me through the years and I realize that it was like my mom was telling me to go for someone like her haha. I mean I see it in my dad's face, how happy my mom makes him. How content and at-ease he looks when they're together. My mom deserved a simple-yet-complicated poem like this because she's just super like that. Like, if this conversation really happened, and I ended it like "yeah she has to be like you, mom," my mom would probably smile, tell me that I'm sweet, then just kinda walk away. Personally, I prefer the audience-reaction outcome.]
So that was my poem. I hope you still like it, if you did before. My mom's reaction was priceless and vindicated my efforts to craft a poem worth telling. The poem was an extension of my life in the last few years... started off kinda silly and almost too self-assured... but towards the end you can tell I'm like an injured fawn just trying to find something worth living for. Not saying I'm Bambie, just sayin.'
Hello 2010, here's to more to look forward to. Let's do this!!!